Currently Summer of My German Soldier (Puffin Modern Classics) By Bette Greene see related

from the great West

Well, here i am, writing from my office in Douglas, Wyoming.

I feel, in many sorts of the word, that i have "arrived".  As in, i have my own apartment, i have my own office (bigger, better, but not quite as bright as my one up at Kenyon).  I have a case load and clients and a usually full fridge, a basil plant named Beauregaurd and a Peace Lilly named Johann Pachabelle...  and a currenty, a tummy ache.

This whole "arriving" buisness is not all that it is cracked up to be.  i am here, i have a job, i have an apartment and a few other life stabilizers-- but i do not feel that i have a "life".  i feel, instead, that i am existing- not only surving, but not quite living- so  "existing". 

Perhaps this is beacuase i leave town every weekend, and work almost every waking hour when i am in town, or perhaps it is a lack of friends, save one, that i see some weekends and on the occasional Wednesday night.  Sometimes, i would rather not see her, as i don't feel like i am being "seen" at all... the texting to people not present is constant.  Why come over if you act as if you would rather not be here, and with someone else?  Starting and stopping a converstation and having to be reminded of what was being spoken of...  it really feels pointless, and more than that, alientating. 

Perhaps it is the lack of time, the lack of being out of doors, the lack of time to write, and having no piano.  i don't know.   I'm not "unhappy" i just feel as if i could be- and have been- happier, and i wonder what in my life would need to change so i am back to those feelings.  Is it sunshine? Is it warmth?  Is it the ocean?  is it "freedom" that illusive beast i always chase?  Freedom, they say, is just another word for "nothing left to loose".  What do i really want?  Well, the same things i have always wanted- but now that i am doing without, i miss some i didn't know i'd always had.  Laughter, mostly- sharing, being able to be expressive and have someone actually empathize, understand, ask more...

How long am i supposed to "give it" to fit, to feel right, to settle in and "adjust" and when do i just throw the towel on the whole thing and start over somewhere else?

beach bound

well, lots to say... no time to say it....

my VERY LAST shift here at the Huck and i thought it would be quiet-- (overnight).  Instead, i'm having a 4:30 AM intake.  YAY!!!  :)   at least i'll make sure my skills are sharp as i head out the door.

In other news, i have HEADED TO THE BEACH!!!! i cannot WAIT!!! :)   Hilton Head Island, here i come! 

In still larger news... i gradauated!  With my Master's Degree!!  it all kinda hit me as i walked across the astroturf in the Shoe at OSU when i opened my red-bound diploma... i'm done!  it's over!  "real" life, (whatever that is,) is about to begin.  But... to quote the card Abby bought me... "real life isn't going anywhere.  let's hit the beach! "  So we are.   :) 

Also of interest perhaps to some... i did make good on my threat to wear nothing but a black string bikini underneath my gown on graduation day.  Few saw the ensamble, but it felt great to defy the norm- and possibly for the only time, marry my two "careers"; at least in theoretical uniform and begining date.

The birds are chirping, the sun is coming up, i have a long day full of things to accomplish, including (hopefully) some sleep... 

love you all.  Happy June. 

Currently Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia By Elizabeth Gilbert see related

Birthdays, Offices, and Books

i just spent the past half an hour packing my office up here at the college.  Half an hour!  That's it!! that's all the time it took to take all of the photos and cards off my bulleton board, clear my desk of personal items and the ocean themed nick-nakcs scattered acreoss the top-- blue hued candles, a dish of sea shells and sand dollars, a glass hand blown dophin- and my random but ever present "Thinker" statue made of Grey Ebony from Congo. 

Only half an hour to clear out my cabniets, set my mugs on top of the file cabinet to be wrapped later, take down all of the framed photos of sunsets, beaches, boats,  and Motif # 1.   To detach the poster that has followed me everywhere- the one of a HHI-esque beach with the tiny white words, printed "LIfe is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away."  It's been on all of my bedroom walls in my conds in HHI, on my wall at Seminary in KY, and here, on my office wall.   ONLY 30 MINUTES to pack up a part of my life!!!

I still have two and a half days here, of life, of quaint, college counseling- and goodbyes to clients i have grown to known and love.  Ugh. 

On a lighter note, after much insistance, i am finally reading "Eat, Pray, Love."  Not only do i presonally LOVEit, but i received a high, HIGH compliment from a co-worker about it the other day- she said i could have written that book.    What an honor!  What a compliment!  (Except- i am not 35, divorced, on medication, nor do i have a publisher with the advanced cash in order to make such a trip and write such a novel.  But, anyway.)

Other news:  My birthday, for all of you bloggers who are dying to know, was fantabulous---ly simple.   a five course sit down on my parent's back porch surf and turf meal for ten.  The whole: three forks, cloth napkins, multiple matching blue-rose china plates and lead crystal gobelts kind of ordeal:  Shrimp, Chilled Strawberry Soup, Salad (with fresh violets), Steak and baked potatoes and wonderful grilled veggie medley, and homemade COW cake by Erin.  With ice cream.  and coffee.  And we played "Apples to Apples" by candlelight in late evening, and it was in the 70's and warm, and the yard was covered with bluebells and violets, trimmed with tulips and hyacynths, and all was well in my world for a night. 

So.  That's been it recently.  Any further questions?   LOVE!

Currently Two Rivers By T. Greenwood see related

Today is my ex-boyfriend's birthday.  This is notable for two reasons:  one, that i have to call him and give him the traditional eden-birthday-o-gram over the phone- (believe me, you'd remember it if you'd received one,) and two: that it marks what seems to be a huge passage of time- but it reminds me that it has only been a year.

I had a similar revalation on St. Patrick's day, March 17th- i realized that a year ago on that day, i was lifeguarding on the beach in Hilton Head, and it was cold, and Ryan, Brit, Ted and i went out to Wild Wings on the Island, and Ryan and i were both fighting colds and he was upset all night and the whole week was actually the catalyst and monumentous indicator that things HAD to be over, HAD to end for real, for a final time-- and all of that was a year ago.  Also remarkable was the difference of place to celebrate the event of the day:  at my little house on the screened in porch up here at the college, having seen client's all day and having a final to type up, and despite all of this, despite the difference- i was not sad to not be re-living those events of last year that tore my heart into little shreds, even if it happened in a warmer, more beautiful place that i love. 

And so, here i am again, writing from my little office at the Counseling Center.... an update.

Well, vacation WAS wonderful- wine tastings in Pallisade, Colorado, camping and hiking in Utah- Arches is AMAZING!  i took SOO many pictures of desert and rocks and mis-shapen shrubs and sky...

then Las Vegas, and penny slots (ok, so i'm a wimp when it come to loosing (other people's) money.  I lost everything i brought (and more,) all seven of my dollars- gone.  :)  but we had a heck of a good time.

Dinner at the Eifel Tower in the Paris Casino- everythign really is sexier in Paris- with window seats, looking directly down/across at the Bellagio fountains-- beautiful.  and we had IN and OUT!  ahhh.  hmmm....  all in all, a good, too short trip- and then back up through the Rockies, and i was back on the plane to home.

Back to finals and my comps- hopefully i passed, i would hate to have to go through that again--i filled 3 blue books (why do they call them blue books?  they no longer have a blue cover!) front and back...

Work is good, Internship is good, classes begin again on Thursday for me- i have ONE LEFT!  Crisis Intervention- and my internship, of course- still paying for those credits- and then i will (in theory)have my MSW.  what will i do with it?  who knows.  Looking at and for jobs, wondering if i should screw it all and go back to beach lifeguarding full time-- looking forward to Easter weekend, graduation, my parents maybe moving- everything is in a state of stability- until graduation, and then everything changes.

I am already starting to deconstruct my life- pack up stuff, box thigns up, take things off my walls...  it's so wierd to think about moving AGAIN- but this time, so much more permenantly- i will no longer (possibly) have my parents house as my home. 

And that, my friends, is about it... a few fun times out, and couple tidbits of itneresting news that affect the lives of others far more than my own...  and it's a wrap.

I love you all--- 

~eden

Currently When the Sun Goes Down By Kenny Chesney Please come to Boston see related

please come to Boston

i love this song.  I have the live version on repeat as i'm finishing off my final...  somehow, i relate to this song- although i am not a man, nor am i from Tennessee or in love with a man from Tennessee- i just really relate somehow, for some reason.  it's beautiful.

Please come to Boston
For the springtime
I'm stayin' here with some friends
And they've got lots of room
You can sell your paintings on the sidewalk
By a cafe where I hope to be workin' soon
Please come to Boston
She said no, boy you come home to me

Chorus:
(And) She said, hey ramblin' boy
Why don't you settle down
(Boston, Denver, L.A.) ain't your kind of town
There ain't no gold
And there ain't nobody like me
I'm the number one fan
Of the man from Tennessee

Please come to Denver
To see the snowfall
We'll move up into the mountains
So far we can't be found
And throw I love you echos
Down the canyons
And then lie awake at night
Until they come back around
Please come to Denver
She said no, boy, you come home to me

Repeat Chorus:

Now that drifter's world
Goes round and round
And I doubt if it's ever gonna stop
But of all the dreams
i've lost or found
And all that I ain't got
I need somebody I can cling to
Somebody he can sing to

I said please come to L.A.
To live forever
A California life alone
Is just too hard to build
I live in a house that
Looks out over the ocean
And there's some stars
That fell from the sky
Livin' up on the hill
Please come to L.A.
She just said no,
Boy, you come home to me

Repeat Chorus

I'm the number one fan
of the man from Tennessee
Tennessee.